


Mad World

by GunbladeWitch



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Internal Monologue, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25606897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GunbladeWitch/pseuds/GunbladeWitch
Summary: The former Legatus of the XIVth looks back on the many unexpected turns his life took in the recent times, as well as the one person that changed the course of his fate beyond recognition.
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Warrior of Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Mad World

Gaius looked up at the shadow of an all too familiar tower to see any signs of unrest. He had not seen the building himself before, but the way Garlean Castra were built left very little possibility for unfamiliarity for a person who has been to one before. He had what he needed, now it was time to go back.

To think that he would end up like this. Had someone told him about a half year ago, he would have deemed them insane. And yet, here he was, wandering a wasteland on the behalf of the Eorzean Alliance, to help out the one person that was responsible for dismantling everything he once was. The one person that seemed constant to him in ever-changing circumstances.

It was not so long ago that he thought his path was perfectly clear. And yet, the last few months changed everything in ways he could not have possibly foreseen. The fall of what he had been building for decades, wandering the world alone in pursuit of the Ascians, cooperation with the Eorzeans. All that he knew has been turned upside down in front of him, and he was not ready for it. He was always the one to have a plan for different outcomes, but the recent events he just couldn’t prepare himself for. And it made him feel disarmingly lost.

He had thought his wish to avenge the people that fell for his cause was to stay the only constant in the chaos around him, but even that turned out to be not so simple when he found out that the Ascians were behind the Empire’s rise to power. The foundation of his people turned out to be the very thing that doomed them, the might of Garlemald that he was so certain of was but a setup, and everything he believed in was falling apart right in front of him. But in the middle of the chaos, there was no place for doubt, so he just kept moving forward, setting everything aside. Until that day he came to Ala Mhigo.

It felt almost surreal to fight alongside the people whose city successfully conquered years ago, who remembered his presence here all too well. But he swore to himself he would do whatever it takes to see a mistake from his past consigned to history, so he agreed to work with the very woman that took him down, however ironic it sounded. And the mission that followed ended up changing him in more ways than he could think of.

After the Ruby Weapon’s defeat, his own decisions came back at him in the ugliest way possible. Once again, the Empire he stood for once created something he could not allow, except this time it hit much closer to home. The people behind the Weapon project were none other than the orphans he took in many years ago. His new enemies were the monsters of his own making.

He tried to find the answers on how this could happen, but there were none. Instead, his mind only kept pointing towards himself. He had an urge to do something about it, only to see that there was nothing he could do to change the way things were. For the first time in many years, he felt desperate, and the very feeling of it was maddening. But for every moment he wanted to scream, there was only uncertainty. So he just kept setting it aside and fighting, like he always did. Fighting with the unlikeliest ally.

No, he was not surprised about having to work with her. If anything, a part of him had suspected that they would eventually cross paths again, but there was no way he could have predicted they would intertwine to this extent. What first started out as a reluctant cooperation later turned into something else entirely. Something he would have never given any thought.

He had respect and admiration for her since back when they were still enemies, just from what he gathered about her. To defeat one’s enemy, one must know as much as possible about them; that was a principle he lived by. But now that he actually had to work with her up close, he saw how incomplete his previous perception of her was. And the more he found out about her, the more he felt some other voice in the back of his head. One that would call his mind to wherever she went. 

Woe to him that he had come to love his former enemy. There were no words to describe the sheer irony of this situation, and yet, there was nothing he could do to rationalize it, or to do anything about it. It just happened, and he had no idea what to think about it. Yet another of many things in this mad world that had never foreseen.

Yet another thing in a long list of subjects he did not want to confront or dwell on. No matter what he felt, it would not change anything. There was just no way this could happen between them. No way he should have come to feel this in the first place. They were worlds apart. They used to be enemies. She was a hero of her people, always reaching new heights. He was a man without a rank or allegiance. She had a future ahead of her, while he was to spend the rest of his days hunting Ascians and struggling with his past. There was no time or place for him to pursue any feelings like that. He was but a broken fragment of a Paragon-made construct meant to be lost to time in an ever-changing world, trying to ensure Garlemald’s safety. There could only be a job to be done ahead of him.

Gaius looked back at familiar terrain for the last time before setting foot towards his destination, pushing distracting thoughts - such as the lingering image of her - to the back of his head. He had a job to finish. His feelings towards the person connected with it were irrelevant. She was but an unreachable dream, one to push away just as quickly as it came to his mind. Ignoring the voice at the edge of his consciousness, he pressed forward.

**Author's Note:**

> About a week ago LynMars79 asked me if I would write a perspective flip of my pervious fic. I said I would think about it, and told myself if my ship does not get sunk by the Live Letter, I'll try to do it. So here we are.
> 
> Gaius is the first canon character in any fandom whose POV I have written in nearly a decade, and my grip on his thought process is shaky, so feel free to point out inconsistencies.
> 
> Thanks to Neila_Nuruodo for beta.


End file.
